At times our culture can seem confrontational from all perspectives. How we respond to a situation will dictate our continued course to aggression or the calling of a truce to move in our different directions. A ceasefire does not necessitate an understanding but provides a parting of ways to avoid a harmful confrontation. Like our attitude, what happens accounts for 10% of the situation, and your response accounts for the remaining 90%. (Your Attitude is 10% of What Happens and 90% How You React – unknown)

When de-escalating a situation, we need to create a gap between the two opposing forces, lengthy enough the participants have sufficient time to regain their composure. The participants will realize the disagreement was likely superficial and will move on or collect their thoughts and respond to the situation.

To properly intercede, we also need to respond and not react to the situation. Remembering our end goal is to provide both time and space between the people involved. We must immediately find a solution that will permanently remove the threat created by the combative individuals.

Respond

Do not become part of the problem by reacting to the situation. Instead, retain your composure and speak with a regular and calming tone when approaching the angered individuals. Think about what you’re going to say and remain professional by not allowing personal feelings to enter the equation. At times your initial response is not to say anything but let your physical presence speak for itself.

Listen

By allowing the angered parties to vent and relieve the immediate tension, we may regain calm and move the situation to a lasting solution. If you need to open the person up to speak with you, acknowledge a problem exists, “I am sorry you are feeling attacked.” Remember, when we listen to understand, we show empathy and understanding.

Validate

By listening, we acknowledge what each party is trying to say, we validate their passion and focus on the differences of views. Taking this action does not mean we agree with either viewpoint – just their passion driving their point of view.

Feedback

Just as in everyday communication, we must use proper communication skills to assist in understanding. Never demand they tell you their issues; instead, ask if they would like to explain their situation or perspective in the disagreement.

Allowing each person to communicate their side of the story and paraphrasing your feedback, you can give a clearer understanding of their argument, allowing time for them to compose themselves.

Last Resort

Do you like to be told what to do? None of us do. Informing people of their actions’ consequences is always a last resort as it authoritatively presents you in the situation. Inform the person of the results of their actions, but open the door to hearing their issues again. To maintain safety and security, we may have to take steps within our authority to remove a threat to others.

We Are Individuals

Always be the calming force in the situation by taking the high road and be professional. Even though you follow a methodology, please do not give the idea you are treating them systematically or overly rush the problem. It discounts the feeling of empathy they are receiving. Do not be dismissive of thoughts or feelings as this too makes the person feel inferior and will not bring balance to the disagreement.

Coach and Do Not Referee

We want to guide the situation to a favorable balance between the involved parties and not judge their viewpoints. The proper manner in accomplishing our goal is to allow room for the person to reflect, rethink, and arrive at a suitable solution.